Sr. Nicole Marie, OLS
This passage has always described for me my desire to love Jesus by laying down my life for Him and others. But I was not living that life as a child. After 6th grade, my family left the church, and after that, my greatest priority was “success”. However, when I was in 10th grade, one of the youngest teachers at my high school died suddenly. This shook the way I viewed the world, my own life, and my goals. At that point, though, I wasn’t even praying, so I didn’t know what to think or believe.
One of my best friends was bold enough to talk to me about Jesus and our earthly mission to lay down our lives for Him. I knew I wanted to live what he was describing with my whole heart, but I didn’t establish a relationship with Christ until I entered college. I could get confirmed and a Bible study to learn more about Christ in the scriptures, but I was still struggling with the orientation of my heart. It was torn between wanting to be “successful” in the world’s eyes and living for Christ. I would go to mass and attend Bible study, but afterwards, I lived selfishly.
This pattern didn’t last, though, because halfway through college, I began to feel empty and directionless. One day, I felt impelled to go to the chapel in our Newman Center and started praying the rosary. Through tears, I saw who I had become and recommitted myself to Christ.
I can trace the discovery of my vocation to Mary because, less than a year later, I began to think of consecrating myself to the Lord. I saw photos of sisters, and I thought, “That’s the life I wanted to live!” For me, I wanted to lay down my whole life. Even after reorienting my life and devoting myself to prayer, I knew I wanted more. I started attending spiritual direction, and in my discernment, I realized this desire wasn’t coming from me. God was calling me to religious life.
I am grateful to have found a home in the Sisters of Our Lady of Sorrows. I found a home in Blessed Elisabetta’s words and the charism. I do not doubt in my mind that I am where the Lord wants me to be.
